Let’s imagine you’re raising a kid. One with “issues” as they say. 

Let’s go further, and imagine that raising said child takes up a substantial amount of your time. Between the speech therapy and the play therapy, the sensory diet and the occupational therapy, it’s amazing you and your best beloved even know what the other looks like.

Now let’s imagine that even though you always keep one eye out on the horizon for the one thing that could finally be It – someone, somewhere, somehow, still finds it their duty to tell you how you should be running your child’s life.

And not just one someone – a whole truckload of someones.

Wherever you go, whether it’s the teenage bagger at the grocery store, a “concerned” mom at the local playground, a friend, neighbor, brother, sister, uncle, or goodness knows who else, everyone seems to want to tell you exactly what to do.

Actually, there are a lot of things you have to do. Bathing is one thing. Wiping after you go to the bathroom is another. And there are definitely things you have to do if you want have a particular outcome. Like, it’s a good idea to pay your electric bill on time if you like seeing when it’s dark outside.

You can’t do everything. You can’t even do half of everything.

You know it’s a recipe for failure, but can’t seem to stop yourself.

Here’s why.

It’s the Latest Fad

Therapies go in and out of style just like everything else. A while back, it was gluten-free, casein-free diets and supplements. Go back a little more and hyperbaric therapy was the thing you absolutely had to do. Back when I started out Glenn Domain was all the rage, and for a couple of years kids as old as 15 or 16 spent umpteen therapy sessions crawling around cramped offices.

While I won’t deny that sometimes you have to try out a bunch of things before you find what works for you, parents sometimes lose focus. There’s a lot of pressure to hop on the bandwagon before you’ve checked out whether or not a particular therapy is a good fit for your family.

Maybe a gluten-free casein-free diet worked miracles for your neighbor’s sister’s third cousin’s child. But maybe the time and money you’d have to spend on the food that’s involved are more than your one-parent income can handle.

So before you rush to attend a week-long workshop at some center halfway across the country (it costs almost as much as a year of college, but hey – without it, your kid may not get to college, right?), don’t just check out your bank account.

Take a quick inventory of where you and your family stand emotionally and physically too. If the needle is edging towards the red, then take a pass for now.

You’d Feel Guilty If You Didn’t

Ahh, guilt.

What better way to show you really care than to feel guilty every time you don’t give your absolute best, financially or otherwise.

Isn’t it amazing that no matter how much you’ve done for your child, you still feel guilty because there’s so much more you could or should be doing? Even I’m guilty of it.

On a typical day, I spend time planning, creating, and playing learning games with all four of the little kids. A few times a week I work with them on a game I created that helps strenghten memory and improve intelligence. My second-grader needs major help with her homework every day, and I often find myself using other learning games to make sure she masters the material. And that’s with all of the other things that go on with running a business and managing a family of 10.

At the end of the day, I still feel like there was so much that I should have gotten done.

What I’ve learned is that you can always find something to feel guilty about it.

Maybe it’s because we’re too hard on ourselves, or maybe we spend too much time imagining everyone else is doing a better job (They’re not. They’re actually looking at you thinking the exact same thing).

Whatever the reason, avoid the guilt trip by asking yourself: “Have I done the best I can with the resources (physical, emotional, financial) I have today?” If the answer is yes, let it go.

If the answer is no, resolve to do better tomorrow – and let it go.

This Could Be IT

The other reason you force yourself to try everything that comes your way is something most parents won’t even admit to themselves most of the time.

It’s the secret hope that you harbor deep down inside of yourself, that maybe this is the one thing that will finally turn things around.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be the thing that lets you step off of the hamster wheel. The thing that turns you into a regular family with a typical child – one that doesn’t need any more extra help than anyone else. You might even let yourself fantasize about sharing your child’s success story on Oprah some day, wondering with tears in your eyes about the serendipity of it all.

It’s this fantasy, whether we’re conscious of it or not, that fuels our mad rush to do and be everything our kids need, even if we kill ourselves doing it.

Unfortunately, it’s never that simple.

There is no one thing that will fix the boo-boo and make everything better. No secret cure. No magic bullet.

You might as well click your heels three times and wish you were back in Kansas.

In reality, success – and this is true for life in general- is like putting together one of those massive 10,000 piece puzzles. Some pieces are easy to find, while others need just a bit of work to see where they go.

The pieces that are left get turned around upside down, sideways -even flipped over backwards- to see where they go. Half the time placing a piece in the right place happens through dumb luck.

And sometimes, you might not even be able to put the whole puzzle together, no matter how hard you try.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy doing the puzzle while it lasts. And it also doesn’t mean you have to put all the puzzle pieces together to know what it is.

Know when to let go.

Know when to just sit back, and enjoy your child.

Your child will be a better person for it – guaranteed.

Sometimes raising kids is like riding the electric walkways you find at the airport.

You kind of lean over a bit, relax a bit as it takes you where you want to go. Then you spy that little thruway thing, and brace yourself for a brief trip in no-man’s land schlepping all of your stuff.

It doesn’t really matter how old your kids are. It doesn’t matter if you’re a single parent, a grandmother raising her grandchildren, or a two-parent family. It doesn’t even really matter if your kid (or kids) is an angel or a devil on training wheels. A problem comes up, you agonize, philosophize, poll the various parties about what to do.

Then you embark on a lengthy or not-so-lengthy “solution” to the problem. Things settle down a bit. You pat yourself on the back, enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit, and then BOOM! Kid #2 starts acting up.

I think they’ve got some sort of lottery system going.

In the beginning you don’t realize it. You come home from the hospital full of smiles, high hopes, and a bunch of unrealistic expectations. But after a while they start to grow up, and that sweet little spinach-covered regurgitation machine turns into this THING.

The first time they look at you and start singing to a different tune, it’s really cute. Maybe you even take a picture. After a while, it’s not so cute anymore, and then you realize that it’s not as cute as you thought. By the time you realize that this is it, they’re going to keep doing this for their whole bleeping life, it’s too late. You can’t go back to the hospital and insist that this can’t possibly be your child, and that somehow they must have switched babies.

Seasoned parents disagree on which is worse: dealing with the same problem over and over again (what is this, the Twilight Zone? I thought we dealt with this already) or enjoying the thrill of a brand new problem each time.

And know that the solution that worked today isn’t guaranteed to work tomorrow.

But there is one thing that I can guarantee you, and it’s this: IT’S NOT GOING TO END ANYTIME SOON. And the reason is this: your child is not a finished product. And he or she won’t be a finished product until they come to you with their own children.

Maybe not even then.

It could drive a person to start longing for the good old days of orphan trains and Oliver Twist orphanages…unless you realize that kids are really like unpolished diamonds, and you are the diamond polisher.

Keep up the work, and someday you’ll look at your child and say-hey, I didn’t do such a bad job after all.

Ever find yourself giving your child play by play instructions on doing something that should be as simple and easy as eating apple pie? 

You know what I mean – things that you’re sure your child knows how to do on their own, yet when it comes down to it, suddenly you find yourself having to tell them exactly what to do – otherwise they melt into a little pile of water just like the Wicked Witch of the West?

I found myself in this position the other day, when my seven and a half year old was in the shower. She’d already bathed and shampooed her hair, and was asking what she should do now.

Of course, this was after I’d gotten a blow-by-blow description of which body part she was washing, and how much the soap had lathered up, and…

Well. I’m sure you get the idea.

So when it came down to the last request, I must admit, I was feeling rushed, and a teensy bit annoyed. I mean, wasn’t it obvious what you should do? Did I really have to tell her? Couldn’t she figure it out on her own? Like, after you finish washing off everything there is to wash off, you just get out of the bath.

It doesn’t seem like rocket science. I mean, she’s only been taking a bath on her own for the last year and a half. I knew she was physically capable of everything she needed to be a successful bather.

Blame it on my own mule-headedness, blame it on scientific curiosity, but I refused to tell her what to do. I figured, how long would she stay there until she finally gave up and came out? She couldn’t stay in there forever, right? 8 people, one bathtub -you do the math.

Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

Little Miss refused – or was completely unable, I haven’t figured out which- to get out until I walked her through the whole decision making process:

Me: What do you do when you finish washing off all of your body?

Little Miss: I don’t know! Tell me!!!

Me: Do you stay in the bathtub until it’s time for school the next day? Do you sleep there? Should I bring you a pillow? (hoping humor would work – I wasn’t feeling very humorous at all)

Little Miss: (Meltdown. Doesn’t bear repeating).

So I did some thinking about choices, and what it means to be independent, and came to this conclusion: it doesn’t matter one hoot if you give your child choices as long as those choices have no real consequences.

Typical parenting advice tells you “give your child lots of choices. Let them, for example, choose between two outifts and pick out what the want to wear the next day.”

The problem with that is it’s pretty much a non-choice. What difference does it make if they wear the red or the blue shirt? The blue jeans or the corduroy? The only time it really matters is if in a fit of pique your preschooler decides to wear pajamas to school.

Anyway, no mom in her right mind is going to let her child wear pajamas to school. In my house, that’s a threat: “If you don’t get dressed this minute you will go to school in your pajamas.” So it’s not like you could just let them experience the natural consequences of their choices. What would the teacher say?

I think for a lot of kids, making choices isn’t always about knowing what to do, it’s about having the courage to make the right choice – despite the consequences. And that goes right back to what I’ve been talking about lately: making sure your child understands that it’s okay to fail.

Because if we want our child to be successful, to make the choices that will help them be successful, they’ve got to be willing to take that flying leap into nothingness. Sure, you can flinch a little – we all do – but that’s just part of the process of doing what you need to do so you can get to the finish line.

Well, we’re not at the finish line yet, my daughter and I. But we’re on our way, somehow or another.

Sometimes you get to the point where you are sick and tired of rescuing your kid from disaster. 

It’s not like you don’t care. You do. But eventually you start to wonder if maybe your son isn’t doomed for life if you don’t stay up until 2 am to finish that (very, very overdue) science paper.

Or maybe, just maybe, your 13 year old daughter won’t melt into a puddle of steaming goo if you let her take the bus after she refuses to get out of bed on time – for the third time this week.

Somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain (the one that used to function a lot faster way back when) you know it’s not the greatest way to teach your kids responsibility, independence, or any of those other high-falutin’ ideas you used to trumpet when the kids were still cute little balls of fat that spit up on you occasionally.

But somehow watching your kids fail feels like getting a test back full of red x’s.

Wonder why? Read on. 

We assign importance to even the littlest of

things.

In the scheme of things, whether or not your child is a master chef is probably not on the top of your bucket list.

So when your child adds the wrong proportion of ingredients while trying to make a batch of cookies – and refuses to listen to the voice of reason (i.e. you), you find yourself nagging and warning and worrying them to death about the dire consequences of not adding enough cinnamon to the cookie dough.

Double ditto for the helicopter moms and dads out there. You people have way too much time on your hands.

It sucks watching your child mess up.

Remember when your child was little and learning to walk? Yeah, it was painful watching them fall numerous times a day – bumping tender elbows and knees and smacking freshly -shampooed heads hard on the floor.

And if it wasn’t enough that your nearest and dearest had to get hurt, somehow it always felt like a scene out of Poltergeist: you had plenty of time to watch it happen, but never enough time to get there and stop it before someone got hurt.

And as kids get older, it doesn’t really get any better. True, you get to stop holding out your arms like Frankenstein trying to catch your child before they fall over air molecules. But you still have to watch while their failures are increasingly messier – and even public – affairs.

It sucks being the one responsible for making

your child mess up.

Once you get over watching your child get hurt, you then get to be the one that hurts them.

I don’t mean that literally of course.

What I’m referring to is our power to inflict consequences, in the hopes of keeping our children on the straight and narrow.

When I was a kid, we had to climb snow covered mountains on the way to school -both ways you did things because your parents told you to. We didn’t even bother asking why (most of the time), because a) the answer would be “Because I told you so,” (which you knew already) and b) the child who had the temerity to ask why was “asking for it” or “cruisin’ for a bruisin’ as a good friend of mine once put it.

But nowadays, we live, so I’m told, in a kinder and gentler time. So people are really into making sure your kids have logical consequences, so they can learn the error of their ways.

That means that whenever possible, you’re supposed to use logical consequences in order to discipline your child. Now, technically, logical consequences make parenting easier because they teach your child the way of the world without you ever having to lift a hand.

But that’s only if you don’t wimp out and cave in when your child looks at you with those big eyes of hers.

Being the bad guy all of the time kind of wears on you. Most normal people don’t want to be the ones that make their kids suffer, even if it’s only a little bit.

On top of everything, once you finally do get the courage to administer a few much needed consequences, some kids won’t sit and take their logical consequences like good little boys and girls.

Some of them get really nasty – particularly teenagers – and after a while you start wishing The Hunger Games were real. Not so you could find out what happens to Katniss and Peeta, but so that you can volunteer your kid as tribute.

It’s not all bad though.

Why screwing up is really good for your kids.

That’s because ultimately, screwing up –failing- isn’t a bad thing.

Failure isn’t about losing. It isn’t about being incompetent, mediocre, or the world’s biggest loser.

When we fail, we’re not making a statement about ourselves: we’re simply discovering that the response we chose didn’t work.

Let’s hear that one more time for good measure: Failure is simply an opportunity to discover what we did wrong, so that we can do things differently next time.

Do you see how powerful that statement is? It gives you the freedom to stop thinking of consequences as punishments, and to start thinking of them as learning opportunities.

It means that the next time your child messes up, or is about to mess up, you can take your ego out of the picture, since your self-image has nothing to do with your child having a learning opportunity. Instead, you can take the time to commiserate, empathize, and just provide a shoulder to lean on.

And if you’re really lucky, they might even ask for your advice.

School is right around the corner, and if you’re like most parents, you probably can’t wait until everyone is back at their desks, and gainfully occupied somewhere other than the living room. 

But before you embrace a little freedom, it’s worth it to start thinking of a few simple things you can do to help your kids start things off on the right foot.

Starting school again is a big transition: a new teacher, new classroom, and new expectations.

And like all transitions, your child will make the leap from carefree hobo to earnest student a bit easier if you take the time to prepare the way:

Get Back Into the Flow of Things

You don’t have to start the first day of school with tired, cranky kids rushing around to get their things together at the last minute. Avoid the arguments and the wear and tear by reading this post on how to get your child ready for school painlessly.

Organize Beforehand

Is your child always digging around trying to find their homework notebook, or a special assignment? This post on helping your child organize their school stuff has plenty of practical advice on helping your child organize their notebooks, use a homework planner, and more.

What NOT to Tell Your Child’s Teacher On the First Day of School

Your child takes Ritalin…is a homebody…is a creative soul at heart…

It’s not uncommon for parents to feel a need to share information they feel is critical to their child’s success in school. Read this article to find out exactly what you absolutely shouldn’t share with your child’s teacher on the first day of school… or else.

You and your child have been looking forward to summer break for months.  

You’ve got everything planned out: the places you’ll visit, the family you’ll catch up with. And although it’s a pain to organize everything, you’re looking forward to a little bit of down time with your family.

The problem is, you remember how last summer ended: frustration, tears, and an intense desire to get out of the hell of summer vacation and get the kids back into school.

Just what exactly happened here?

You have no idea how a pleasant summer break turned into Nightmare on Elm Street (okay, I’m dating myself here).

Why summer can end up being one long water slide to Hell.

Sure, in the beginning it looked like things were finally going to be different this year.

You and the kids scoured the internet for interesting, educational, and relatively inexpensive places to visit. You even lined up a few playdates with friends, and invested in some new toys in the hopes of keeping everyone gainfully occupied.

But unless you implement a few critical things, you’re still going to wish you could take a semi-permanent vacation far away from the beings who call themselves your children.

Out-of-whack schedules.

While the thought of not having to wake up unwilling kids early might warm the cockles of your heart, letting your kids sleep in every day is actually a bad idea.

Not only does it mess up your child’s sleep/wake cycle – they’ll have to go to bed eventually-but it sets a bad precedent for the day.

On days when you actually do have something important to do, you’ll find yourself on top of kids who can’t seem to get their acts together, because they’re too tired and because they’ve gotten out of the habit of sticking to a schedule.

You don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn every morning, however, in order to keep things under control. Instead, you can let your child sleep later, and go to bed later than they would normally – just make sure that the time you choose stays consistent within about a half-hour.

Letting the rules slide.

Summer seems to bring out the carefree in all of us, myself included.

But don’t confuse carefree with lax. Just because it’s break doesn’t mean you can let your kids do whatever they want – they still need to be disciplined, even when it’s a pain in the neck.

If your kid starts having a temper tantrum while waiting on line for the aquarium, or pitches a hissy fit while waiting to buy snacks at the store, don’t resort to bribes and other behavior that will only make things worse later.

Stick to your guns – even if you have to get out of the line you’ve been waiting in line for the last half-hour – and do what needs to be done.

You don’t have to be a party-pooper about it, of course.

There’s nothing wrong about bending the rules occasionally, as long as you’ve it’s a carefully thought out decision, rather than a reaction to being publically embarrassed.

Take ten minutes to think about what rules you don’t mind sliding on, and those that are important to you and your family’s sanity, safety, and well being. If you want, you can put up a “summer rules” list, so your kids will know about the changes.

If you want to be really fancy, you can make a summer contract with them (I’ll write a post about that later), but even a three minute discussion is enough to let the kids know what to expect – and what not to expect.

You don’t have to please everyone, all the time.

Sometimes parents get this idea that it’s their job to make sure everybody’s happy.

Bad idea.

Pretty much impossible.

It’s your job to make sure everyone is fed, has clean clothing and a place to stay. It’s also your job to make sure that they come out of your house with the values and beliefs that are important to you.

But happy? All the time?

Not happenin’.

Follow these suggestions, and you just might feel a twinge of regret at sending the kids back to school when the summer ends.

Did you know that your kids will forget up to 2 months of what they’ve learned over the summer?

You’ve worked hard to get your child to where they are.

But did you know that a few weeks during the summer can undermine all of your efforts?

Read here to find out what you can do to prevent that.

It’s almost the end of the school year, and you’re faced with a dilemma. 

Your child didn’t do so great this year – in fact, his grades put him towards the lower end of the class. And that was with after-school tutors and in class help.

But somehow you and he made it through the end of the year. In fact, when you look back at the year you can see that your child even made a bit of progress.

(Okay, not enough – but you can see the difference).

You’re happy the year is finally over and you’re hoping that next year will be better somehow. Maybe he’ll have a growth spurt, and finally “get it” like the neighbor’s kid did. Or maybe the teacher will be less demanding.

So things are actually looking pretty good…until you get that call from the teacher. The one asking you if would think about letting said progeny repeat the year again.

You feel completely lost. What should you do? Maybe you’ll destroy his self-esteem by putting him in a situation where he’s likely to fail. But then again, we all remember that big lug of a kid who got held back at least once (and sometimes more; it never seemed like holding him back did any good.

What should you do?

The Myth of More Time

For decades parents and teachers alike have held children back as a solution for kids who couldn’t keep up with the class. It was assumed that the “gift” of time will help a struggling child finally catch up to the rest of the class.

Perhaps this was believed to be true because initially children who are held back do perform better that year. Ultimately, though, those same children end up falling behind, until they are again at the bottom of the class.

In fact, research shows that if there are two children, one held back while the other one is sent on, the one that is retained is four times more likely to drop out of school.

If you’re going to fail, you’re better off failing with your own age group.

It’s clear what you shouldn’t do. But what can you do to help your child make it through a year that promises to be a rough one?

Here are some tips you can use to help your child make it through:

Go in prepared.

While usually I advise not discussing your child’s weaknesses until the school year has gotten underway, in this case, it would be a better idea to have everything set into place even before the new year starts.

Even though most teachers are looking forward to finishing up the year, you need to find out what the teacher is like, and what the typical curriculum will be like. The best way to do this is to find someone who has a child finishing up the grade your child will go into.

• If there is more than one teacher, find a child in each class. Find out what the personality of the teacher is like. Is she flexible? Does she object to frequent parent-teacher contact? Is she open to adjusting homework and tests so your child can succeed?
• Take a look at the texts, homework, worksheets, projects, and tests for the next year. Is most of the work memorization? Is there a lot of writing? Does your child have the study habits they need to keep up with the material?
• Compare these tasks with your child’s weaknesses and strengths. You can use this information to determine where your child might have the most (and least) difficulty.

Don’t try and jump the gun by giving your child extra work to do.

Your child deserves a break just as much as the next kid – probably more. Let them enjoy their summer; don’t make them crazy with worksheets and busy work.

Focus on skill-building activities

It’s easy to get stuck on the treadmill of catch-up: you spend so much time just trying to stay on top of homework and tests that you never get a chance to work on building your child’s skills in a particular area.

But if your child masters certain comprehension skills, for example, that can cut down the amount of help they need in order to do their work – ultimately helping them to be more successful in the long run.

Stay positive.

It might be tempting to go into worry mode and obsess about what the new school year will bring.

Instead, remember that success isn’t determined by how much progress your child makes, but by how hard they try. Focus on helping your child see that failure isn’t disaster, but a necessary part of success.

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It’s frustrating dealing with a child who can’t follow directions. 

You know what that looks like: you tell your 8 year old to take out the garbage, get into pajamas, and feed the dog, thinking it should take about twenty minutes until liftoff.

A half hour later, you see your son standing in the kitchen in his underwear giving the dog a good back scratch.

You’d be annoyed if you could – but you know he’s not misbehaving intentionally. But this isn’t the first time he’s gotten directions mixed up, sometimes with permanent consequences.

You’ve tried numerous workbooks for grade-schoolers that claim to teach your child to follow directions, but they didn’t help at all.

Is there anything you can do, or is your child doomed to be one of the hopelessly confused?

Why having trouble following directions is just the beginning.

Having trouble following directions is just the tip of the iceberg for most kids.

That’s because being able to follow directions means being proficient at perceiving and remembering the order of things, otherwise known as sequencing. Tying shoes, reciting the alphabet in order, understanding the difference between “before” and “after” or “yesterday” and “tomorrow,” all require good sequencing skills.

Some kinds of information are meant to be processed as one whole. Remembering what your great-aunt Matilda looks like is one example. Other kinds of information are purely sequential, such as phone numbers, the order of the months of the year, or keeping track of a story plot.

These are meant to be taken in one at a time, bit by bit, in order to be understood and remembered. A child who has trouble with sequencing (and their parents) will find themselves stymied in numerous areas – despite average (or better) intelligence.

Fortunately, sequencing is a skill that can be learned. Here are some things you can do to help the child who has sequencing issues: 

Play the command card game.

Many books that teach children how to follow directions fail miserably. That’s because they don’t use real-life scenarios to teach sequencing. The command card game, while traditionally a Montessori game, is an excellent way of building your child’s sequencing skills.

To play it, write individual words on pieces of paper. Simple verbs like “jump” “hide” or “sing” are good choices. Fold the papers in half, and place them in a container. Let your child draw a slip, read it silently (or you can read it for them), and then put it down. They then perform the action on the slip.

Once your child is comfortable with the idea of the game (and kids generally love it), you can write two simple directions on a slip. “Open the door, and close it,” or “Find a chair and sit on it,” are good examples. Your child will get better at remembering what’s written on the slip, while having fun.

Create an obstacle course.

This is great for children who have trouble remembering motor sequences, like tying their shoes, or using cursive writing.

Instead of going ahead and giving that extra granola bar, hide it, and let your child find it before they can eat it. In the beginning use simple two- step motor sequences, like going under a chair and over a suitcase, in order to get the treat. As your child gets more proficient, add on additional things (remembering to keep the first steps the same) in order to challenge your child.

Let your child help you problem-solve.

When people are learning a new skill, especially a motor one, we often “talk” ourselves through it, telling ourselves which step comes next. You can help your child learn how to do this too.

Let’s say, for example, you’ve just made a batch of muffins that are just waiting to be eaten by your kindergartner. When your child asks you if they can have a muffin, ask them to tell you what you need to do in order to get it. Have them “talk” you through the process, givng them hints if need be. Then they can go through the process themselves in order to enjoy their snack.

An older child can help you make the muffins. When you finish, ask them to tell you what the steps of the recipe were. You can even have them write down the steps they took, draw pictures to go with the steps, and create an e-book using Scribbles, a free app. They can then share their creation with a grandparent or other family member.

Found this post useful? Download our free workbook, which has more great tips for helping your child learn the skills they need to succeed.

It sounds like a cliché, but there’s something about spring that brings my kids to life.

As soon as warm weather makes an appearance, shirts and pants become too short, shoes miraculously start wearing out, and a mischievous sparkle shines in their eyes.

My 8 year old wanders back into the house after what should have been a ten minute trip to the grocery store, with mysterious smudges of dirt on his forehead, and a story to tell.

I spend my afternoons trying to resist the charms of four little ones eager to stay outside until the last possible minute. It’s amazing how many excuses for staying at the park a rosy-cheeked four year old (supported of course by his 5, 6, and 8 year old siblings) can think of when push comes to shove!

I can’t say I blame them – I’m not too anxious to go inside either.

So I’ve been taking advantage of the beautiful weather and my kids’ newfound curiosity, by starting a new theme based on spring. Normally I afterschool for about two hours in the afternoons, but for those sessions we usually spend our time doing table work. There’s plenty of hands on learning of course, but it’s still relatively sedate.

Instead, we’ve flipped the order of things: now, we go out on long adventures “to see what we can see.” We wander around the city, letting our eyes lead the way. Lately, the kids have been interested in all things green- especially flowers and leaves. So I’ve taken their natural interests, and built a curriculum around flowers and leaves.

Here are some of the things we have done:

Flower arranging

Counting Coconuts

For this one I opted to use fake flowers, since they last longer.

I found a miniature vase at a school supply store, and a wooden tray at another closeout store.

If you do choose to use real flowers, such as wildflowers, you could add a small pair of nail scissors for snipping flowers to the right size.

I didn’t choose that option because being in the city, wildflowers aren’t so close by, and flowers get used up pretty fast!

DIY Flower parts puzzle

Maybe Montessori

The kids enjoyed this one, though I did cut corners on it.

I could see right away that since it wasn’t the real puzzle, it would be less captivating for the kids. With a real puzzle, there is more fine motor work involved. Plus, kids can use the puzzle pieces to trace around and make their own flower.

So instead of using felt as the post suggests,  I just laminated the flower templates with packing tape – and let the kids practice putting the pieces in their proper places.

I used the 3 period lesson to teach them basic parts of the flower, and we’ll review the names during our travels around the city.

Thanks to MaybeMontessori for the puzzle templates.

Flower parts booklet

Montessori Materials

This one I reserved for the 6 and 8 year old. It’s also a Montessori activity, like the two previous exercises.

There is a booklet with all the flower parts named; on each page of the booklet, a different part of the flower is colored in, and the name of the flower is written below.

There is also a separate book of definitions.

I had both children color in one part of the flower,  and write the name of the part below.

My 8 year old loved especially loved this activity – he also wrote the definitions for each part, using an old school workbook that we found at a secondhand store a few years back.

He loves reading, so he had already memorized a few parts on his own.

Here’s the link for this flower parts booklet from Montessori Materials.

Flower Matching/Naming Game

Montessori Mom

We launched this activity with a flower hunt.

The kids and I went for a long walk through several city parks hunting for wildflowers.

Even my 4 year old was excited about it, wielding his safety scissors at every eligible plant and leaf.

We were excited to find about 6 different kinds of flowers (not bad for a city excursion!), and were about to pick the last coup – a large white flower that looks like an oversized dandelion – when the 4 year old remarked that there was a bug.

The 8 year old took a closer look, scissors in hand – and ran away in a panic when he realized it was a scorpion!

He declared that as soon as he got home he was going straight into the bath. Both of them spent the walk home checking themselves frantically for crawling things .

Flower pressing activity

When we got home we pressed the flowers we found; when they’re ready we’ll look them up in our wildflower guide and label the flowers and leaves.

Here are some more activities that we haven’t yet gotten to:

DIY Leaf Cards

The Adventures of Bear

In this activity, kids learn the names for the different shapes of leaves. Of course a leaf cabinet would be great, but since it’s pretty expensive (and I don’t have time to make a DIY version), we’re going to make do with the leaf cards.

You can get a pretty comprehensive set for free here. If you’d like a chart, you can find one for free here.

Hands on Science Experiments

I’m overdue to spend some quality time with my 8 year old, so I’ve decided to spend some time doing some science experiments. Hopefully we’ll get to them in the next few weeks.

Most of us hate failing. 

In fact, some people are so fearful of failure that they’ll do anything to avoid it – even if it means sacrificing their careers, families, or worse.

Kids aren’t any different. In fact, for kids, especially kids with learning disabilities, its worse. There are plenty of opportunities for failure in school, whether it’s giving the wrong answer when called on in class, messing up a homework assignment, or bombing a big test.

For these kids – and plenty of grownups – failure means you’re a loser, a screw-up, and a hopeless imbecile. You’ll be lucky if you can get a job working as a NYC street sweeper.

Smart kids don’t mess up.

Underlying this whole mindset is the belief that smart kids don’t mess up. After all, if you’re born smart, why should you make any mistakes? Smart people get things right the first time.

The “real” smart kids are like Greek gods, unfailingly perfect in everything they do. They are the the worthy ones – special, more talented, and far above the mortals who are just a shadow in their wake.

Is success about learning, or proving you’re smart?

It’s report card time, and your best beloved has come home with his or her report-card clutched in one small hand. What’s the first thing you do when you open up the envelope?

Look at the grades, of course.

And from that long list of numbers and letters, your opinion of your child’s future is determined. If your child has aced it, you feel proud, content with your child’s ability to navigate in this decidedly difficult world.

But if your child has scored only average – or Heaven forefend below average – then prospects for a successful future dim. Suddenly you’re angry – at the teacher, your child, and yourself. You’ve been hit with a double whammy, because both you and your child have failed.

You’ve just ensured your child won’t succeed in school.

You’ve shown your child that success isn’t about learning, or becoming a better person than you were yesterday. It isn’t about overcoming challenge after challenge, despite the difficulties you may face. And it’s not about embarking on a journey where growing and developing are the destination.

Instead, you’ve guaranteed that your child will spend the rest of their school career trying to prove their smart. Time after time, your child will turn down any new chances to learn, if they feel it might be difficult. If they face a challenge, they’ll back down, rather than take the chance of failing.

Teach your child to succeed by celebrating failure:  create a “Building My Brain” book.

Teaching your child to embrace failure means both you and your child need to change the way you view success and failure.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to start a “Building My Brian” Book. Here’s how you do it:

Explain to your child that every time they overcome a challenge, their brain gets bigger.

Discuss with your child how the brain works. You can use the following story to help younger children understand things better (If you like, you can either draw pictures or search images in Google):

Once upon a time there was a large village far away from everywhere. There were no big cities nearby, and so they were pretty much on their own. The people in the village were very close – most of them were related – and so when they grew up, most of them chose to stay in the place where they grew up.

As more and more children grew up, the villagers started to run out of space. No one knew what to do, because they all wanted to be with the friends and family that they knew and loved. In the end, a town council meeting was held, and it was decided that they would build a new village not far away.

The only problem was, that the only place that they could build a village was near a wild, overgrown field. If the people from the old village wanted to go to the new village, or the people in the new village wanted to get to the old one, they had to cross that field.

It was pretty hard at first. But each time a person went from one side to the other, a path was made. And each time someone went on that same path, the path got bigger. And so in the end many wide, flat paths crossed the field, and people were finally able to visit their loved ones easily.

Then explain to your child that their brain is like that field. Each time they do something hard, it’s like making a path in that field. The more hard things they do, the smarter they get.

Make the notebook.

Buy a spiral notebook, and let your child decorate the front and back cover if they like.

Write in the notebook each night before your child goes to bed.

Then, each night before your child goes to bed, they can tell you about the things they did that day that were hard, and what they did to try and overcome those challenges. Write it down in their notebook.

Feel free to add things on your own, and surprise your child in the evening by reading it to aloud to them.

Within a few weeks, your child will not only be raring to share their failures, but will also be great at finding solutions to those challenges.

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