how to help your child succeed in schoolHave you been wading through endless workbooks and online sites trying to teach your child to read, write, or master math, only to find that none of that stuff works for your child?

There’s more to reading, writing, and math than meets the eye.

Actually, the reason your child isn’t succeeding in school can be summed up in two words: academic subskills.

No, that’s not some sort of code phrase that only the “in” group are privy to. Academic subskills are the skills your child needs in order to accomplish a broader academic task, like reading, writing, or math.

Reading, for example, has subskills like word decoding and comprehension. Writing is even more complex, since you have subskills like letter formation, spelling, and organizing ideas. Math is the hardest of all, since each year new skills are added that are based on the ones from the year before.

If your child is your average neurotypical kid, then it’s generally enough to focus on teaching them the academic subskills they need in order to read, write, and do math.

Typical remediation programs for LD don’t work.

Kids with LD, however, are unlikely to pick up many of these academic subskills, even with superior teaching. Most remediation for kids with LD focuses on teaching academic subskills in all kinds of creative ways. Multi-sensory teaching and repetition are good examples of this.

But those methods typically take a really long time to see any sort of progress. And for each day that your child spends learning the old material, the rest of the class is busy learning new stuff, figuratively leaving your child in the dust.

Your child needs to strengthen the brain processes that control how well she learns.

There are 3 layers that affect how your child does in school.

Academic skills

Academic subskills

Neurodevelopmental functions

The last layer, neurodevelopmental functions, is the most important.

It simply means the brain processes that your child needs in order to achieve success at school and at home. When you are trying to create a program to help your child learn to read more fluently, understand what he reads, learn his multiplication tables, or spell properly, you need to ask yourself: could it be that my child isn’t succeeding because the brain processes that control that particular skill are out of whack?

If your child can’t read fluently, of course you’ll need to work on building his sight word vocabulary, helping him be more aware of word patterns, or teaching him to use context to check meaning. But those things come after the underlying brain processes are strengthened.

Why strengthening the brain first makes a lot of sense.

Just imagine that you suffered a bad leg break, and got stuck with a cast for a couple of months. The first thing you need to learn how to do when you get out of that cast is to learn to walk, no question about it.

But if at every therapy session your OT sat down with you and spent 90% of the time discussing the best athletic shoes and adjusting the padding on your crutches, you’d go looking for another OT faster than you can say “The Running Man.”

It’s obvious that the first goal of therapy is to strengthen those leg muscles so that you can walk again without crutches before you turn ninety. Well, the brain isn’t so much different. It can be strengthened, and you’ll find that doing so will make the crucial difference between whether your child succeeds or fails

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parenting children with learning disabilities

 

What do you think the most important factor is in making sure your LD child succeeds?

I asked this question to a wide-variety of people: friends, clients, and acquaintances. It didn’t matter whether they were rich or poor, immigrant or native to the U.S. since the Mayflower.

Nor did it matter what color they were. The most popular answers were: money, having access to the best therapies, or having the time and patience to do all that needs to be done, in that order.

Wrong.

I’ve been in this field for more than 20 years, and if there’s one factor that I’ve seen over and over again, is that someone in that child’s life has to be able to hold on to the dream of that child’s success.

That person doesn’t have to be a mother or father. They don’t even have to be a relative. It could be a teacher, a neighbor, or even the man at the kiosk stand down the street. But it has to be someone who stands with their back to the wind, plants their feet, and is ready to stand up for that child, do or die.

Not many people can do that. Not many people can look an expert in the face – the one with three degrees and the prices to prove it – and say “You’re wrong. My child WILL do better than that.”

There aren’t a lot of people who can face the criticism, the rolling of the eyeballs, the knowing smiles, and the pity parties.

What a shame that Amy Chua gave a bad name to the term “Tiger Mom.” Because it’s not so often that a Tiger Mom has to put on the big red boxing gloves and fight – Mohammed Ali style – the establishment.

Most of the time it means sticking to the straight path day after day, week after week, making your way through a jungle of regressions, discontent, and sameness.

But it can be done. Here are 3 tips that will help you do just that:

Keep one foot in the future – but leave the other in the present.

A dream keeper has one foot in the future – but the other one in the present. Yes, you need to have a vision of what your child’s future can be. But you need to break those goals into bite-sized pieces, bits that you can tackle one by one, on a daily basis.

Find someone to share the journey with.

You may read about one-man journeys to Kilimanjaro, or solo hikes through the Amazon. From the outside, it looks as if it one person did all the fancy footwork. In reality, however, you can’t succeed alone. You need someone, maybe even a few someones- to help you celebrate the good and the bad.

Celebrate the little things.

Living with a child who has learning disabilities means there will be times when nothing seems to work. Times when you just can’t take it anymore, and you hate yourself for even thinking of giving up. Times when everything you do seems to take you back to a brick wall that’s impossible to climb.

The truth is, that you will almost never have the really big moment where everything suddenly goes right. The child who has reading problems won’t just stand up and read Anna Karenina with feeling and intent. The child who’s failed on nearly every single math test since school started won’t start spouting Einstein’s theory of relativity.

Life just doesn’t work that way.

But there will be days when you watch your child read the next paragraph in her reader – and she won’t stumble on every word. The day will come when your son finally remembers all of the multiples of number 8.

Take those moments, hold them gently in your hand, and hold on tight to each one. And yes, celebrate the success that each one is. Because true success – long lasting success- is made up of a thousand small ones.

 


Keep dreaming.

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